


I won’t let anybody hurt you. You’re safe with me

by believethatican



Category: MMFD, My Mad Fat Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 10:00:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19270957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/believethatican/pseuds/believethatican
Summary: Series Two episode 5 Inappropriate adult alternative ending,





	1. One

Its been a few hours since he got in bed, music off, so his dad thinks he’s asleep and he doesn’t have to answer any of his questions about Rae. The question that angers him most is _‘tell me what happened between you two, I thought you both made each other happy.’_ If he knew why they split he probably wouldn’t spend most his nights punishing himself for fucking up so bad. He’s not sure where he went wrong, but he obviously did. The second question he hates almost as much is “You’re not happy with Olivia, are you?” Of course he isn’t happy with Olivia, it wasn’t even meant to get this deep, his first date with her was only meant to be a favour for Macca, “please Finn, remember the time I took Vicky out so you and Stacey could get some time alone?” He feels sick just thinking about it. Yes Macca had taken Vicky out so him and Stacey could be alone, possibly get down to business, but he realised pretty quickly while they were alone that that wasn’t what he wanted, that Stacey was a bitch, that she didn’t care about anyone but herself and her popularity, he ended it pretty quickly after that, but yet Macca still claims that him taking Vicky out, was for Finn’s benefit only.

He always tries to be a good boy, a good Lad, He’s never brought any real trouble home to his dads door, he always does the right thing for his friends, which is how he’s ended up taking Olivia on this stupid date in the first place. A fucking Wine Bar, he knew he was out of his depth as soon as he walked in. He knew of Olivia from around the town, heard about her lapping the attention from younger lads, but he never really cared for gossip. He still doesn’t now. So while on this date with Olivia, he drinks the horrible vinegar tasting red liquid like its water, hoping to kill the pain that’s been in his chest ever since Rae left him on his doorstep. The more he drank, the more his guard slipped, and the next he remembers is waking up the following morning naked in Olivia’s bed. He was sick that morning, told Olivia it was just his hangover when she’d asked him if he was okay. But it wasn’t his hangover, no it was the guilt, how could he of slept with her when he didn’t even know her surname? How could he of slept with her when he was so in love with Rae? Olivia stuck around like a bad smell after that day, and he began to like the feeling of being wanted by somebody, and besides she wasn’t a horrible person, so he began to put the effort in with Olivia. But still every night, he’d find himself lay in his bed staring up at his ceiling, wondering where he went wrong with Rae, wondering when it will stop hurting so much, wondering if she’s okay. He’d ended it not quickly enough with Olivia, but at least now, he can love and care for Rae without feeling guilty.

He turns on his side to look at his alarm clock, it reads 03:17 and he can’t believe he’s been in his bed since he got in from Rae’s at six forty-five pm, she’d blew him off to go to a party with Chloe and these older lads, something about the lads cause him to shudder and it sets him on edge even more not only is he worried about Rae, he’s now also worried for Chloe too. Soon after he can hear the house phone ringing, he knows it isn’t for him, its probably his dads work, he’s been working a lot more recently. Just as he decides he best answer, it stops he relaxes back in his bed but literally two seconds later the phone rings again, its cut off pretty quickly so he assumes his dads answered. He’s correct, he can hear his dad’s faint voice telling whoever is on the other side of the phone not to worry, and he’ll check, there’s a soft knock on his bedroom door and before he can tell his dad to come in, the door is opened.

“Finn are you awake lad?” he replies with a horse “yeah” his voice is tight with panic.

“Linda, Rae’s mum is on the phone for you” his dad takes a seat on his bed and holds the phone out for Finn to take. He’s panicking now.

“Linda, are you okay? Is Rae okay?” he asks, her reply really gets him worrying. Linda explains that her and Rae have gotten into it a lot recently, and that during their last argument Linda had said some pretty terrible things, one being that she didn’t want to bring her baby up around Rae and the other telling Rae to go and live with her dad because she’d done her shift. She’s crying down the phone and Finn tells her to calm down before she causes herself or the baby some trouble. He’s pretty mad though, how can Linda say anything of such to Rae, If he can tell that something isn’t right with Rae then surely her own mother knows. He’ll be even more furious if Linda has laid a hand on Rae, the day she’d turned up on his doorstep, cheek red with a handprint, had broke his heart.

Linda goes on to ask if he’s heard off Rae at all, that she’d tried Archie who gave her his number, and Chloe is meant to be staying out at a mates. Finn doesn’t want to lie to Linda, but he doesn’t want to out Rae either, so he tells Linda that while he hadn’t exactly heard from Rae, he knew that there was a party tonight and he’d be happy to phone and find out if she was there, before calling Linda back. She thanks him before apologising for waking him and his dad up before saying, “speak to you shortly”

 

Finn puts the phone down before looking up at his dad. He doesn’t know what his face looks like but it must be bad if his dad is pulling him into a hug and kissing his forehead. “She’ll be alright son, you get calling around, ill go fix the kettle.” but before his dad makes it to his bedroom door, the house phone is ringing, he picks it up with a rushed “lo”.

“Hi, I’m sorry to call so late, but my names Kester, and I’m looking for a Finn, is Finn home?”

“It’s me, I’m Finn” He reply’s wondering why the name Kester sounds familiar to him.

“Oh great, well I’m calling on behalf of Rae, sh” he’s quick to cut Kester off, “Rae’s there? Is she safe, I’m coming right now tell her, what is the address?”

“Wait Finn,” Kester rushes “before you come you need to know that she’s very upset, I can’t get anything out of her apart from your name and number, she doesn’t look hurt but something has happened, she’s very drunk.”

Finns head is spinning so much it takes a minute for him to reply, he looks up and his dad is back in his room in his coat and shoes with Finn’s jacket and boots in his hands, Finn gets the address from Kester and is shocked to find that Rae isn’t even in the same town as the party, she’s only 20 minutes away. Finn hangs up and almost falls as he rushes to his feet, his dad tells him to breath, but Finn is practically already down the stairs. He’s glad his dad stops to call Linda back, he can hear him telling Linda for her to sleep, Rae is okay to spend the night in the spare room, and either himself or Finn will drop her home first thing in the morning.

He Finds himself jittering in the car, he’s glad his dad has come, even happier his dad is driving, his nerves have got the better of him, he feels as if he’ll be sick any second and he’s already chewed his nails to the point they’re bleeding. His dad tells him she’ll be okay, but how can she be? His dad doesn’t know that lads she’s been hanging around with, and where the fuck is Chloe?

They pull up to a house, which has the porch light on, Finn gets out, and knocks quietly; his dad squeezes his shoulder in support. The door opens and Finn is facing a short, bald man, who he surmises is Kester, although he doesn’t look much like the Kester he’s imagined. Kester welcomes both men in and leads them through the his living room to a narrow hall, he points to a door and tells Finn she’s in there, that he’ll go and fix some drinks. Finn looks over his shoulder to his dad, his dad nodding him on and that’s when he hears it, Rae’s hushed sobs. He knocks once and opens the door calling out “Rae”.

The rooms pretty bright and he spots her sat on the floor next to the toilet, itching her right hand mercifully. He shuts the bathroom door behind him and is sat gathering her into his arms in 3 seconds, but she flinches and yelps, and it sends shivers down his spine. Something has happened to Rae, something terrible. He says her name again, a little clearer this time hoping the confidence in his voice comes through; she flinches but doesn’t look at him. “Rae, its me Finn, please look at me” is voice cracks. She looks up and sobs a little “Finn” before breaking down into the most heart wrenching sobs. He tries again to pull her into his arms, this time she allows him, and she easily rests her head in-between his shoulder and neck. He kisses her head and tells her “Shhh, its okay Rae, tell me what I need to do to make you feel safe” but she just sobs harder and harder.

“Rae please, please at least tell me if we need to get you some medical help, it okay if we do, I’ll come with you, stay with you, I won’t let anybody touch you, I promise” he places another kiss on her head preying that she answers him. He gives her a minute because it feels like her sobs are calming slightly, and he knows if she isn’t crying so hard, there is a chance that she will tell him what she needs. It looks like he’s correct because soon she’s shaking her head against his chest and then she whispers; “I don’t need to go to hospital, but please don’t leave me.”

He pulls her in tighter tells her he wont leave her, he’s quiet for a few minutes, he knows he should start trying to move her, but she obviously feels safe in this room, if she wouldn’t even sit with Kester, while he made his way here. He thinks he feels relieved that she doesn’t need to go to the hospital, but then he thinks he’d much prefer her needing to go to the hospital with a minor injury, than her being like this, sat on a cold bathroom floor, scared for her life, trying to be as small as possible, while barely making a sound. This isn’t his Rae. His Rae is full of life, loud and knows what she wants.

After what probably has only been five minutes, but what feels like twenty, he asks her “what happened Rae? I thought you were at the party with Chloe, how did you get here?”

“I did go to the party, I shouldn’t have gone, I should have stayed with you. I’m sorry Finn, I’m meant to be your friend and I just left you when I you needed me”

“Hey, come on now, that’s okay, we can talk about this another time, that isn’t important now, what is important is that you’re safe. Please tell me Rae.” She starts sobbing again and he figures he should stop pressing the matter for now, but then he feels her grab is bicep a bit tighter, and he knows she’s going to tell him.

“I went to that party, and Ian and Saul were handing out a lot of drinks, I didn’t like the way Saul was holding onto me, the way he was watching me, it made me feel uneasy, so I went to the toilet, so I could, think of a way to get out, without him being able to watch me, but he came in, handed me a drink and locked the door behind him, he told me it was water, so I had a sip, and then dropped it, pretended it was an accident, but it wasn’t, it wasn’t water, it had a funny smell. He called me stupid and got pretty mad, and I told him I was sorry, he calmed down and said it was okay, and started kissing my neck. I told him No but he ignored me, pushed me into the space between the sink and the bath, and started feeling up my leg.” She stops abruptly, and my jaw is clenched, how dare he touch Rae when she says no. Rae lets out another sob, and I feel a tear drop onto my cheek, I sniff and ask her what next she takes a few deep breaths before replying, “I kept telling him No, that I wasn’t interested, and that I wanted to go home, and he lost it said he’d always wanted to have sex with a bigger lady, said that he was hard for me and that I should just touch it, pulled down his zip to show me how hard he was”… she stops and blanches, and I blanch too. This is bad already, I don’t know if ill be able to hear anymore without being sick. Before I ask anything she starts talking again “… he kept pushing me against the wall, kept trying to kiss me, kept telling me not to be frigid. I pushed him back off me and tried to escape, but he caught me, dragged me back and I slipped on the floor mat. I kept pushing him and pushing him, even punched him like you taught me, but as I punched him, I threw myself back and hit my head off the bath, everything went black for a minute” and that’s when he notices her knuckles are slightly swollen, that there is a slight trace of blood. He kisses her head, and gently lift her swollen right hand so he can get a closer look, it isn’t too bad, it just needs a bit of ice and rest and he’s sure It will be fine, but he kiss her wrist a few times, she smiles faintly.

“What happened when you came round Rae, has he done anything else to you?”

“No, when I opened my eyes he was unlocking the bathroom door, saying how he should have known he’d need a bit of help with me, I heard him shout for Ian, I got up and checked he wasn’t there before making my way out, I saw Chloe at the bottom of the stairs but she wasn’t interested, said she was staying. So I left and I ran as fast as I could for as long as I could, before I flagged down a bus, he let me on, but he’s gone to the depo up the road, so I walked here.”

“Sit a bit forward for me girl” she does as he asks, he moves her hair around her head looking for any signs of injury, he notices she filches when she can’t see his movements. “Its okay Rae, **I wont let anybody hurt you, you’re safe with me,** I promise,” she relaxes her shoulders and softly whispers “I Know”. Once he’s sure there is no blood on her head he shifts to the side and pulls her back close.

“My dads here, how about we go back to mine, I’ll check you over and I’ll run you a bath and then you can get some sleep?”

“What if he finds me Finn.” she sobs, “What if he hurts Chloe? I shouldn’t have left without Chloe. I need to go back and get her” He pulls her in tight again before carefully choosing his words. “Look Rae, to me it sounds like you did the best you could. Chloe didn’t want to come, She didn’t feel bad when she told you No. You absolutely should have left; you know what they could have done to you Rae. You know that right? He could have done so much worse than he already has, and there is no way after a blow to the head, that you’d be able to fight off more than one. Look, lets get you sorted, I’m sure my dad will go get Chloe.”

“I need to know she’s safe Finn, it was a shitty thing of her to do but she’s still my best friend.” Rae starts sobbing again. He can’t help but be mad at Chloe, drunk or not he can’t forgive her for leaving Rae to make her way home herself. He can’t forgive her for introducing Rae to those twats.

“Okay Rae, Shhhh, look, err we’ll go out into the living room and tell my dad about Chloe, I’ll ring Chloe’s house and see if she’s home. And if she isn’t then we’ll go and find her, but you have to stay in the car with my dad okay. He wont hurt you, I promise.” She nods her head, and he feels relieved that he hasn’t had to fight any harder with her about this matter. “Are you ready to go” he asks. She doesn’t reply, but she moves off him. He finds himself missing her touch. He stands and holds out a hand for her to grab so he can help her up which she takes. He’s happy; this is something she never did while they were together, however once she stands up and she tries to walk she knocks into him. He’s quick to steady her with his arms, before realising that she must have hit her head pretty hard. He wraps her arms around his neck and tells her to hold on which she does. He lifts her and she mutters something about him being strong. He opens the bathroom door and makes his way down the small hall towards the living room, where both his dad and Kester stand from their chairs. He goes to sit Rae on the couch but she tightens her grip around his shoulders and tells him “Please don’t leave me” and he gets it. She needs to be able to touch him, she needs him to hold her and keep them away. So he sits on the couch with her cradled in his arms. He looks over to his dad who looks ever so worried now he’s seen Rae with his own eyes. He catches his dad’s eye and looks at him as if to say ‘don’t come any closer’.

“Rae love, how about we get you back to ours?” Rae hides her face deeper into Finns chest and tightens her arms around him.

Mr Nelson looks to his son as Finn speaks up; “Chloe is still at the party, and Rae thinks she might be in danger, so if you don’t mind Kester could I use your phone to call Chloe’s house?”

Mr Nelson takes a seat and sips his cold tea. He’s always been proud of Finn, but right now, his young man sat in front of him protecting the girl he loves at all costs, holding it together for her, even though Mr Nelson can tell he wants to cry, well he’s never been prouder. His thought process causes him to miss out on the scene in front of him, he only just catches his son holding the phone to Rae’s ear while she whispers something down it. Soon enough the phone call is over and Finn is standing with Rae still in his arms.

“So where is it we need to go? Do you know the address?” Mr Nelson stands, reaching into his coat pocket for his keys.

“We’re going home Da, Chloe is home in bed, Rae’s spoken to her, lets get Rae back to ours so she can rest” Finn doesn’t miss the side glance both Kester and His dad give each other, he can see the anger in both their eyes at the fact that Chloe is safe at home, and Rae has been through god knows what, he reckons that anger is reflected in his own eyes.

“Thanks for calling me Kester, I’ll make sure she’s okay from here and I’ll speak to her mum in the morning, I’m guessing Linda will be wanting to speak with you also” Finn smiles at Kester

“Thanks for coming, I’ve given your dad my number in case you need to call me for _anything_.” And Finn thinks the way Kester says anything, he means if Finn needs to talk about any of tonight’s happenings too. He decides he likes Kester. He looks down at Rae to find that she is light sleeping, instead of waking her by talking he smiles at Kester and looks down to Rae to let them know she’s nodded off. Kester walks and opens the front door for them, and Mr Nelson runs to unlock and open the car doors. He holds the door open and helps Finn onto the back seat without disturbing Rae as much as possible, before closing the door quietly.

Most of the journey home, he notices that Finn doesn’t take his eyes off Rae, he also notices the tears that fall on his sons cheeks. Once home, Finn carries Rae up to his room and lays her on his bed, she comes to a bit and calls out for him. Finn bends to stroke her hair out of her eyes before softly telling her he’s there. Rae opens her eyes and sits up she spots Mr Nelson and he makes himself useful by excusing himself to get to fixing the teas he wanted to start over two hours ago.

“I’m goanna go and run you the bath, I’ll be right back okay? And then once you’ve had a soak ill get you straight to bed” Rae replies “Thanks Finn”

Finn leave his room and calls down to his dad for and Ice pack and some spare towels, before moving onto the bathroom where he turns the taps on and pours in some bubble bath. He heads back to his room and helps Rae to remove her shoes, before guiding her to his bathroom. He keeps a tight grip on her, as he’s not fully confident she’ll be able to keep herself up if he wants to hold onto her. He sits her on the toilet while the bath carries on running, before heading over to the bathroom door to watch for his dad coming up the stairs.

“Here you go son, I don’t have any ice packs but frozen peas should do the trick, are you sure she doesn’t need the hospital?” before Finn can reply, Rae pipes up “I’m okay Mr Nelson, I’m sorry for being such a pain, thank you for letting me stop” Mr Nelson looks over his sons shoulder and sees Rae sat on the toilet, “its not a problem Rae, as long as you’re okay, do you need anything? And please call me Gary” she replies, “I’m okay Gary, Finn’s taken such good care of me”. Gary looks at his son and nods, “ I’ll just be down stairs if you need anything” and Finn shuts the door. He walks over to the bath and turns the taps off. Places the towels over the radiator so they’re warm for Rae when she needs them.

“There’s Shampoo and conditioner on the shelf, the soaps on the side, I’ll just be outside call me if you need anything okay” He worries if she’ll be able to get in the bath or not unaided, but he’s surprised to find her standing, she’s holding onto the sink no less but at least she’s standing. She smiles so he exits and goes to take seat on the stairs but his dad is already there.

“You okay son? You need anything?” and Finn crumbles, he quietly sobs into his dads chest. Tonight has been horrible but he’s so relieved that it hasn’t ended any other way, he worries that Rae isn’t going to be able to come back from this, he worries what her mum is going to say in a few hours. The one thing he doesn’t worry about is this Twat Saul coming back, because he knows he’ll have him if he does. Gary Kisses Finns head a few times while Finn settles. Finn sniffs and wipes his eyes before speaking. “Thanks for tonight Da, I’m sorry it’s so late and you have work tomorrow. I’ve got some money, maybe you should take tomorrow off and rest and I can give you some cash so you’re not missing out on a days wage, Its probably about time I start helping out a bit more.”

Gary can’t believe the young man his son has become, he can’t help but tear up slightly, “Finn, you don’t have to do that, yes money is a bit tight at the minute but its only because of Nan’s funeral. Everything will be back to usual soon, don’t worry about me going to work tomorrow, I’m due a few days anyway” Gary smiles and pulls his son in tight again. It’s not long before there’s a quiet shout for Finn, Gary pats his sons back and makes his way back down the stairs. Finn stands and knocks on the bathroom door ‘Rae, is everything okay?”

“Can you come in Finn?” Finn swallows before entering, he finds Rae soaking in the bath; her hair is full of bubbles. He looks over at her and she smiles embarrassingly. “I’m sorry to call you in but I’ve got bubbles in my hair and I cant get them out could you help me please?” he lets out a little chuckle before grabbing the glass off the side and walking over and kneeling down behind the bath. He fills the glass with water and tells her to lean her head back, he rinses her hair a few times, making sure there are no bubbles left, he apologises when she hisses. He figures he’s handled her head a bit to roughly. He sets the glass down on the side of the bath and kisses the back of her head once more, before standing; he wipes his hand on the hand towel and asks, “anything else you need?”

Rae yawns and speaks “no I think I’m pretty much done in here now, could you hand me a towel please?” Finn turns and does as she asks, he turns to leave the room to give her some privacy, just as he’s about to open the door to leave Rae speaks up “Erm Finn, do you, I mean could you, its alright if not, but would you be able to help me out, I feel pretty weak.” She’s nervous he can tell, so he flashes her a reassuring smile before saying “course girl”. He bends to pull the plug but before he pulls it he asks if she’s ready, she’s blushed and he can hear her muttering. Eventually she agrees. He pulls the plug and takes the towel from her hand throwing it over his shoulder, before placing his arms around her to help pull her up. She stands and grips his shoulders, but doesn’t look up. He wraps the towel around her, but she looks down as if she’s embarrassed. He tickles her chin and she looks up at him, he smiles one more before wrapping her arms around his neck and moving to lift her, he carries her through to his bedroom, sitting her on his bed, while he goes back to the bathroom to get the other towel for her hair.

He hands her the towel and points to her hair, before he walks over to his draws. He pulls out a new pair of his boxers, a pair of his pyjama bottoms he’s not worn before, as he usually sleeps in his skin or boxers if the lads are around, and he digs around his bottom draw for the oasis top he got Rae at Knebworth. He never gave it to her, because he thought he’d look pathetic, but right now he’s not bothered about looking pathetic, he’d happily be pathetic all the time if it meant Rae was okay. He made his way back over to her and she’s softly towel drying her hair, he hands her the pile of clothes and excuses himself downstairs.

His dad is drinking a cuppa on the chair when Finn walks in. “Kettles just boiled, I rang Linda and told her Rae was here, that something has happened but she was okay right now and that you were making her comfortable in bed. The SPARE bed” Finn glances back at his dad with pleading eyes, he promised Rae he’d stay with her, he doesn’t want to have this argument with his dad tonight maybe, he could sleep on the floor. Gary starts to chuckle, “look son, I’m not about to move Rae to the spare room, its obvious to me that she needs you, however you’re not to tell Linda about this, and if she does find out, you make sure she knows I know nothing about it. She said she’ll be round just after mid-day to give Rae some time to rest, so that gives her at least 5 hours kip” It’s the first time Finns looked at the clock since leaving the house to go get Rae. He’s shocked to see that its gone 6am, he really should be getting Rae settled. “Thanks Da, I’m just going to get her some fresh Ice and a glass of water, do we have any paracetamol?”

Garry follows him into the Kitchen and roots through a draw pulling out a packet with a few tablets left in it. “No more than two, and I wouldn’t give Rae any until she’s slept a bit first.” Finn takes the tablets with a thanks and places them in his back pocket, he fills two glasses with water, and turns to find his dad rooting through the freezer draws, “Frozen chips will have to do this time, throw me the peas down and I’ll freeze them in case she needs them in the morning.” Finn takes the chips and calls a “night Da love you” before heading back up the stairs, he knocks on his bedroom door and Rae’s still sat in the same place she was when he left, only this time, she’s dressed in the clothes he’s given her. He takes the frozen peas and throws them down to his dad wafting at the foot of the stairs, before standing Rae up and pulling back the covers. “In you get” he says, she slides, in and he covers her up, he doesn’t miss the panicked look she throws him “please don’t leave me Finn, please”

“I’m not, I made you a promise, I’m just going to wash my face and get changed, and I’ll be right back”

He’s imagined Rae being in his bed so many times he’s lost count. He’s never imagined her sharing his bed after anything like this though. He quickly changes, brushes his teeth and washes his face before heading back to his room and turning off his light. He turns his lamp on and gets into bed next to Rae, she turns on to her side and looks at him, so he matches her move, her eyes are shining and she looks like she’s holding in a sob, ““I won’t let anybody hurt you. You’re safe with me” he reputes his words once more to her, and that’s when he sees her tears start to fall, he moves as close as he can wrapping her in his arms once more. “You’re safe Rae, I promise, shhh now, you need to sleep girl.” he places kiss after kiss on her hairline, and soon she settles into him, she makes to move back but he holds her to him “you’re fine where you are, I’ll be here when you wake up okay” he tells her, she lowers his head to his chest and kisses him once before laying her head there. It’s not too long before her soft snores fill the room. He stays awake for a while making sure her sleep isn’t fitful, before he drops one final kiss to her head, and closes his eyes for the rest he’s so desperately craving, for he knows, its going to be a rough few days.

 

TBC? Maybe


	2. I wouldn’t change a thing about you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2

There’s an annoying banging noise coming from he’s not sure where. All he does know is that his eyes are already hurting, and he’s not even opened them yet, and his right arm has that burning numb feeling. He feels a breath of fresh air on his cheek, and that paired with the constant banging has his eyes blowing open. His breath catches at the sight before him, she’s the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid eyes on, the most beautiful girl in the world, yeah he’s not laid eyes on every girl ever to walk the earth, but he knows he doesn’t need to, Rae is an absolute knock out. He takes his time to look at her, slowly gazing over her face, that’s when the flashbacks from last night come to him, and he feels slightly sick. Rae’s eyes are rimmed with dark circles, and she looks slightly pale, which isn’t her usual fair skinned glow. He looks over his shoulder to his alarm clock and sees that its barely 10am, Rae’s not pulled in 5 hours sleep yet, and after her terribly horrific ordeal last night, he knows she needs the most rest possible, and she’s still got another two hours of rest before her mums going to turn up. Without wanting to risk waking her anymore, he slowly rolls away from her body, missing her warmth instantly, to go and investigate the still consistent noise. He scratches his head with his right hand while looking for a tee, yes last night he slept in his bed with Rae in nothing but his boxers, and while that thought thrills him, he could do without the third degree from Linda, he spots his tee-shirt on his desk, he pulls it over his head while ever so slightly shutting his bedroom door behind him.

 

From the top of the stairs he realises that it’s actually his front door that’s being banged. He’s not sure who’s on the other side but they need to calm their knocking quickly before they wake Rae. He rushes down and shouts a “alright, alright, I’m coming, give it a rest” as soon as he hits the bottom step, he’s swinging the front door open before he’s even got a glance through the glass window, and he’s shocked with who he finds on the other side. He finds himself instantly angry, and he wants to scream and shout until they understand just how furious he is with them, but he won’t risk waking Rae, not like this, not after last night. “What do you want, _Chloe_?” he can’t help but sneer her name. “Is she here Finn? I need to speak to her, that little stunt she pulled last night almost cost me my relationship.” Chloe looks just as mad as him, but he doesn’t understand what she has to be mad about. Little Miss Princess over here knows nothing about what Rae went through last night. “Excuse me? She almost cost you your relationship. Get a grip Chlo, you’ve been meeting him barely a week, this isn’t a relationship, its him taking full blow advantage. Look at you, you’re eyes are purple and you can’t stop sniffing. This isn’t you.”

 

Chloe looks shocked, like she can’t believe Finn would ever speak to her like that, like has he really just called her bluff. “I came to speak to Rae, not you, where is she? RAEEE” she shouts. Finn steps outside onto his front step, pulling his door closed behind him, “Give it a rest Chlo, she’s sleeping, she needs the rest it took me ages to get her settled last night, and even then she’s been crying out in her sleep.” Chloe’s reaction tells him that she has no idea as to what happened to Rae last night, and that angers him even more, how could she not have known? It doesn’t make any sense. “What she’s crying, what’s up with her? She just came flying down the stairs said we needed to leave, that we had to get out. I was so pissed off with her, she ruined the night, I had Ian on my case because Saul really likes Rae, and she just runs off without saying bye to them. I just find it rude” He can’t take it anymore, and while he knows what happened to Rae last night isn’t his to tell, he has to say something, so he bites back “You’re suppose to be her best friend, somebody she can rely on. You know I found her last night sat on a bathroom floor Chloe, crying and scared for her own life, but not just hers no. She wouldn’t move from that room, wouldn’t let me bring her back here where I could check her over until she knew you were safe. and yet still after speaking to you last night, after you made it home safe to bed, you have the cheek to stand there and still not even think about your actions to your OWN BEST FRIEND, put her in even more danger. Go home, I need to get back to Rae and make sure she’s okay.” Finn turns to walk back into his house, but before he can shut the door on Chloe’s face she mutters “What did they do to her?” he laughs, not with laughter but with actual disbelief, “You know what they’re capable of, it’s up to Rae if she tells you or not, that’s her business, Bye Chloe.” he doesn’t give her a chance to reply before her shuts and locks the front door behind him. His body is stiff, so he rolls his neck before climbing the stairs again. He can’t get back in bed with Rae when he’s this stiff with unease. He’s sure he’ll wake her. He dips into the bathroom when he hits the top of the stairs, empties his bladder, and washes his hands. He looks around the bathroom and spots Rae’s clothes folded neatly next to the bath. He gathers them in his arms and walks back to his room, he’ll have to clean the bathroom later, he’s got much more important matters to tend to.

 

He’s happy to hear her faint snores when he enters his room, although he’s sad to see that she’s facing the opposite way now, he lays her clothes onto his desk and walks over, he thinks about removing his top, but he doesn’t want to spook her. He lifts his arms to give his armpits a sniff before settling on the fact that he’s fresh enough to get back into bed. Slowly sliding under the covers, he settles just behind her, just close enough to reach over to her providing she needs him, but just far enough away so he doesn’t disturb her. He thinks about pulling her closer, but decides against it. He looks over his shoulder one last time its 10:36, he can dose for another hour yet. After closing his eyes, his heart begins to slow and he feels himself relaxing, just before sleep takes him, he feels her push back into him, and he nods off while wrapping her tightly in his arms.

 

He comes too, surprised to find himself on his front, he can’t remember the last time he slept in this position but Nan had always told him how she’d worry about his sleeping when he was a kid. She always had worried he’d stop breathing with his face pushed so deep into the pillows. His left arm is at a weird angle, he can feel the dull ache in his shoulder, but he can feel something else too. There are barely there touches grazing his arm, he slowly turns to find out what’s causing this gelling, and finds that its Rae, she’s awake, and yes she still looks slightly pale, but she’s softly smiling and that’s something.

 

“Morning Girl” he croaks,

 

“Finn” she starts, he doesn’t like the un-sureness of her voice so he presses on, “how you feeling this morning? Do you need anything?” he quizzes. She’s silent to answer, but shifts further up his bed towards the headboard. He figures she wants to tell him something so he moves to match her position. “Thanks for last night Finn. Really, I’m sorry I got myself into that situation. Thank you for being there for me, thank you for being my safety.” she looks sad and embarrassed and he doesn’t like it. He reaches for her hand and notices that she flinches when he grazes her right hand, shit he’d forgot about her injury, he softly pulls her injured hand close to his face, he looks it over and notices that there is a bruise setting in on her wrist, and her knuckles are still swollen, maybe more than last night, he should have made her ice them for longer, but she’d taken to sleeping in his arms pretty quickly, and at the time, he thought that would be for the best. He knows she’s looking at him intently, and he begins to get slightly giddy with the feeling that she feels this feeling too. He knows he has to tell her he loves her, but he also feels that right now isn’t the time. She’s fragile, he hates the word, he hates using that word to explain her, but she is, fuck even his dads going to be fragile today, after last nights ordeal. So instead, Finn settles with placing a kiss to her wrist while holding her gaze. He holds her hand in his gently placing it on top of his duvet-covered knee. “You have nothing to apologise for, you didn’t do anything wrong. Rae what happened to you last night is of no fault of yours; it has no reflection on you. Just dickhead guys being dickhead guys”.

 

He looks up to her, and spots the tears on her cheeks. Fuck he’s fucked up again. “I didn’t mean to make you cry Rae, I’m sorry. I always say the wrong thing don’t I. Please don’t cry Rae, I’m sorry”. She lets out one final big sob, and looks over to Finn, who’s looking at her from under his fringe. She notices like he looks so scared and upset at the possibility of upsetting her. How can this quiet, special and kind young man think that he’s done anything wrong, no it’s all on her. “ How can you be so nice to me? I don’t deserve you Finn, I mean I should have stayed with you last night, I know you were trying to tell me something. I don’t know I just panicked. I ignored you when you needed me, but you’re the person I cry for when I need somebody and you come straight away. I didn’t deserve you before last night either; I’m so out of my own league. Every person that saw us as a couple, must have pitied you so much” it comes out like word vomit and once she starts she can’t stop it. “People saw us as nothing but a joke, and it isn’t fair on you. You’re such a good person, why do people feel like they had the right to judge you. And Saul was right when he called me frigid. I am fridge. I can’t even stand to see myself naked, let alone let anyone else see me naked. I should have never have started anything up with you. It’s all right if you hate me. I hate myself.”

 

Finn is in utter shock. He never expected for this morning to go like this. His head is banging, and its got nothing to do with the little sleep he’s had. He should have known this is what she meant in the disabled toilets all those weeks ago, he should have addressed the issue then, put all this shit about her not being deserving of him, to the back of her mind forever. She does deserve him, and the people who tell her otherwise are wrong, and he’s defiantly not arsed about teaching him a lesson. He’ll curl any twat up, who wants to express their unwanted opinion. She’s sobbing again, and he can feel her making her way off his bed. He tells himself it’s now or never, but he can’t form the words. Nothing new there he thinks. He looks up at her just as she looses her balance and slightly rocks from side to side. She turns to grasp his bed covers in support. This has him standing to support her, he places his hands on her upper arms, “Rae- Rae, are you alright?” he doesn’t miss her grasping his bed sheets harder, “how about you sit back down for a minute?” she doesn’t move or answer him, his voice cracks a bit with worry, “Please Rae, I’m really worried about you, please sit down.”

 

Rae turns to sit on his bed, she doesn’t make herself comfortable, and the thought isn’t lost on Finn, he has to tell her now. “You don’t really think that I hate you do you?” his mouth feels fuzzy; as if there is any chance he could ever hate Rae. “I could never hate you, and as for others making their opinion of our relationship known, I don’t care Rae. Our relationship was ours, not theirs. It had nothing to do with them. I was so happy when I had you on my arm, I felt like I’d finally found somebody I could be myself with, somebody who cared for me just as I cared for them. Yeah, yesterday I was furious with you, I knew that you knew what I was asking, what I needed to hear, and you just blew me off, but if anything, I thought I deserved it. Like it was my own fault, like it was my punishment for flouting my relationship with Olivia in your face. I’m sorry I did that, I was just that scared little boy again, watching the woman I love leave me behind” SHIT, he stops utterly stunned, he wasn’t meant to tell her he loved her like that, and what if she doesn’t feel the same. He glances over and spots the barely there shy smile, and the rosy pink colour decorating her cheeks and her neck, and he thinks to himself, so what? So what if she doesn’t feel the same, the most important thing to him is Rae, and the fact that she knows she is loved. Fuck his pride. “Rae, I know you hate yourself at times, and it makes me so sad, but I do love you Rae, I love you so much, that even though I was hurt by you yesterday, I still would have dropped everything even if you rang me asking for a cuppa.”

 

Rae smiles at him, a proper smile, like a smile that belonged back in the summer when they were just first starting out. A smile that’s laced with so many promises, promises he hopes they can keep between them forever. “Do you mean it?” She asks, it’s barely a whisper, but he hears her loud and clear. He picks up her hand, holds it in his own, “Oh god Rae, I really fucked us up I know, but I love you. I love you so much, I think I have from the first time I saw you, I just didn’t know this feeling was love back then.” he leans forward and catches her lips with his, its soft and gentle, and he can hear his heart in his ears, he’s pretty sure Rae can hear it too. She’s pulling away too soon though, “Finn we can’t, I cant be like other girls, I can’t give you what you want, I wish I could, because I want it too, but I cant. I can’t drag you into my world, it isn’t healthy.” There are tears in he voice again and it hurts him. “All I want Rae is to be by your side through it all, to support you, to love you. That’s all I’m asking. I’m not bothered about sex if that’s what your worried about, yeah I’m pretty sure it’d be amazing, but I’m not in any rush, not until your ready. It will happen when it happens and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t, I still get to be with you. It’s okay that you have stuff Rae, everybody has stuff, I wouldn’t change a thing about you” This time its Rae who cuts him off, initiating the kiss, he’s pretty sure it’s the first time its happened, and its got him hot at the collar. He giggles as he asks, “it that a yes, are we back together?” she pulls him closer and whispers a yes.

 

He’s not sure how long they’ve been gently kissing for, but he hears the front door being knocked. He looks at Rae and she looks worried. He kisses her cheek, and tells her he’ll come back to help her down once he’s shown her mum in. “don’t worry Rae, it’ll be fine, I promise.” he says as he leaves her in his room. He’s not sure where his dad is, he prays he’s not still sleeping, he could really do with the support from his dad; Rae and Linda can be fireworks at the best of times. Once he steps from the bottom step, his living room door is pulled open, “ready son? Rae okay?” he nods and thanks god for his dad.

 

Linda is stood on his doorstep, a bag in her hand, he’s wondering what’s in it when she speaks, and “Clean clothes for Rae” she must have read his mind. He looks up and smiles at her goes to take the bag from her, and that’s when he notices that her eyes are rimmed with the same shade of bruising as Rae’s. Linda also looks slightly grey. It must be the worrying. “Linda come in, take a seat in the living room, I’ll fetch you a tea.” he sits the bag of clothes on the chair, and wonders on through to the kitchen. “Strong with one sugar? Right?” Finn shouts, he jumps when he hears her reply; he thought she’d be in the living room not behind him. “Tar Finn, you’re a good lad, you know that right?” His dad wonders in from the back door, announcing his arrival by exclaiming, “yeah he is isn’t he. He makes me prouder each day. Linda I’m Guessing? I’m Gary nice to meet you” His dad outstretches his hand, and Linda takes it to shake. “Thank you both so much for going and getting Rae last night, I’m sorry to be such trouble. I’ll be having a stern talking with her about it.” Gary is the first to reply, “No Linda, honestly, it was no trouble at all, we’re just glad that she’s safe now.” something flashes in Linda’s eyes, a mixture of worry and concern. Finn speaks up “I’ll just go check on Rae and give her the fresh clothes, be back down shortly.” he passes Linda the bru, and walks through the kitchen, grabbing the bag of clothes for Rae.

 

At the top of the stairs he knocks a little loud on his door, for nobody’s benefit really, he just hopes that Linda can hear downstairs and doesn’t pick up on the fact that him and Rae have shared a bed. “Rae, it’s me Finn. Are you decent? Is it okay if I come in?” he can hear the soft giggle in her voice, as she answers, “yes Finn, please do come in.” He hands her the bag of clothes, and kisses her cheek, “your mums downstairs waiting for you, don’t be worried, if anything she’s worried about you. Let me know when you’re ready, I’ll just go change in the spare room.” he walks over to his draws, pulling out some joggers and clean underwear, as he walks to his door he hears Rae call. “I love you too, Finn”. He flashes her the widest smile and shuts the door behind him.

 

He dresses in the spare room quickly. The quicker he dresses the quicker he can help Rae if she needs such help, all the while thinking ‘she loves me, she said she loves me’. He’s back outside his bedroom door within three minutes and he can hear Rae swearing a ‘FUCK’. “Rae do you need help?” he asks while knocking on his bedroom door. “No, I’m okay, just dizzy,” she replies, he can hear footsteps moving closer on the other side of the door and soon enough his bedroom door is thrown open, Rae looks more like herself in her own clothes, but he notes, she still looks very grey, and he can’t miss the frown that crosses her face or her tightening grip on his door knob. He places his hands on her hips, she doesn’t flinch which is a good sign so he pulls her in to his chest, her head lying in the space between his shoulder and neck. “How’s ya head Girl?” he asks while placing a soft kiss on her forehead, “it’s okay.” she replies but he knows her, he can tell there’s something “Don’t lie to me Rae, honestly, is it bad.” she shrugs “Its bad, but I’ve had worse.” He kisses her head one more time before saying; “Lets get you comfortable, you ready for this.” she just shrugs.

 

He walks down the stairs with both his hands around Rae, he’s worried about these dizzy spells, he understands, a small knock to the head could leave her with a bit of a headache, but this constant dizziness has him uneasy, It must have been of some force to be still causing her this much pain. He really should take her to get checked over. Once they’re at the bottom, he helps her move her way through his hall into his living room. He’s happy Linda and his dad have taken an armchair each, he can sit on the couch next to Rae and provide her with all the support she needs. As they enter, Linda gasps, and immidiatly stands, Gary also stands, “Rae love, how you feeling? You look pretty pale” Finn looks over her shoulder and are even more on edge to find Rae looking greyer than she looked at the top of the stairs. Her grip on his hand is tighter too, and he begins to worry more. Without even thinking it through, he sweeps Rae off her feet into his arms, before placing her on his couch in a position where she can lay down. He wishes her mum would say something, help a little, but she doesn’t she just watches on in shock. “How bad is your head Rae you have to tell me, don’t worry about being any trouble. Okay?” he says, she nods her head slightly, and Finn thinks she swallows a bit of sick before answering, “it been getting progressively worse this morning, I think I might puke” she says. This springs Linda into action. She’s out the house rummaging through her car and back inside next to Rae in maybe 30 seconds or less. She’s got her first aid equipment, and shines a light into Rae’s eyes, her pupils are very dilated, and Rae grunts at the bright light. “Did you hit your head last night? “She doesn’t wait for a reply before carrying on “must have been a big knock. What happened Rae? Who did this to you?” Rae shakes her head, she doesn’t think she can tell her mum, so she looks at Finn pleading with him for his silence, but Finn won’t keep quiet on this matter, not when it could mean Rae is more hurt than she’s been letting on. “You have to tell her Rae, I’m sorry but if you don’t I will. You’ve obviously not been telling me how bad it is. I’m sorry Rae, I do love you, but I won’t lie for you on something like this.” Finn looks sad, Rae notices, she grabs his hand and nods, and Finn knows she’s giving him permission to tell her mum the events of last night.

 

Finn explains to Linda and his Dad, what Rae had told him in the bathroom. Linda is absolutely furious, and Finn starts to worry about the baby, he remembers hearing something in health class about pregnancy and stress and high blood pressure. “Linda, please with all due respect, you need to keep calm, not just for Rae but also your baby.” Rae pipes up “I’m okay mum, I swear, I got out of there pretty quickly, and was trying to get home but ended up at Kester, Kester said he did try the house phone, but in was engaged and all I asked him for was Finn.” Gary is shocked to hear about the horrors of last night, he knew it was bad, but Rae had seemed to cope well with it all last night, so he didn’t let it get to him that much. Gary offers to phone the police, and Linda starts spouting off about getting Rae home in her own bed, where she can rest while being safe. But Rae isn’t having it. Finn isn’t having it either. He knows she will have to go home at some point but not today. Today he’ll take care of Rae until she’s back on her two feet. Finn looks at his dad for some support and Gary gets it “You know Rae, You’re always welcome to stop here if need be, if you’re not ready to go home just yet. Providing it’s all okay with your mam of course” Rae smiles at Gary and then looks to her mum. Her mum shakes her head but smiles, “Okay, just this once, and its only because Karim’s busy decorating your bedroom. I wasn’t meant to tell you but since you’ve been feeling pushed out. I love you Rae, the same as I love this baby. I’m sorry everything has been so tense between us lately. I just wanted the best for you.” Rae slowly cry’s, and Finn pulls her into his chest lovingly shushing her, “I’m sorry for being such a nightmare mum.”

 

Rae is happy her mum has agreed she can stay at Finn’s for a few days, however part of the deal was that Rae would go get checked at the hospital. After a few hours of observations and a couple of blood tests, it’s decided that Rae is allowed home, or rather Finns to rest. At 7:32 pm Finn looks at his bedside alarm clock and makes the observation that the last 24 hours has seen his life go from back to front and upside down, to back on track. He pulls Rae into his chest, kisses her hairline, and tells her how much he loves her for who she is and how he wouldn’t change a thing about her for anything. She replies with a kiss on his chest, which he can feel as they both slowly drift off to sleep


	3. Stay Here Tonight

It’s been nine days since the night that the horrible ordeal had taken place. He wishes he could forget but he can’t. It’s been eight nights that he’s woken during the night to either the bed shaking from her quiet sobs, or worse, her loud panicked screams. If he can’t get it off his mind, then he’s not sure how anyone expects Rae to. She’s the one who experienced it not him. He’s sat on the lounge absolutely shattered. Its 5pm and although he wanted to start the fixings for dinner off, you know give his dad a hand, he hasn’t got the energy. He thinks to himself, he’ll give it an extra ten minutes, and then he’ll start. He doesn’t know what he’d do without his dad. He’d been there at his beckon and call. Finn’s not really had to ask for much the last few days, his dad had always just been there, with whatever if was Finn needed. Rae shifts slightly and he looks down to track her movement. She’s got her head in his lap, she’s fast asleep, and when she looks this still and peaceful, like the other night hadn’t happened, it gives him hope that she’ll be able to get through it eventually. His eyes brim with tears, he thinks he’s done well to keep it together recently, in fact bar the night he went to collect her, he’s not really cried at all. He feels like crying all the time. The pain in her screams, her begging ‘please get off me’, in the early hours, almost brings him to tears, but if she was to come-to, to him crying, well that’s something he doesn’t want her to deal with. He wants her to know she can tell him anything, and her finding him crying isn’t going to do anything but stop her from telling him things.

He softly strokes her hair, careful not to disturb her sleep. He hears a key turning in the front door as a few of his tears tail down his cheeks. He keeps his head down as his dad walks through to the lounge calling an “evening son”, while squeezing his shoulder in only a parental way. Finn doesn’t say anything, he can’t. He’s too overcome with emotions to vocalise any sort of reply, so he just stays softly stroking Rae’s hair. He hears something being placed on the table and looks up to see his dad placing a cup of tea on top. “Tea makes everything alright, ay son” just a few simple words from his dad and his front is broken. He carefully lifts Rae’s head off his lap and places it onto a cushion, before walking into the kitchen, his dad hot on his footsteps. Once in the kitchen with the door closed he lets it all out, his dad catching him in his arms. He’s not sure how long he’s spent in his dad’s arms, but he’s not ashamed. He’s been a daddy’s boy for as long as he can remember, even before his mum left. She never was much interested in him to be honest, always thought he was in the way. He remembers trying to be a brave big boy when he found out she left for good, didn’t bother his dad much, made out like he was fine with the new reduced living arrangements, but in the small of the night, he’d crawl into his dads bed and slot himself into his dads arms.

“You need some sleep son, everything is always a lot harder to deal with when you’re running off hardly any sleep”. Finn nods, he knows this, it’s just so hard to sleep when the girl you’re in love with is verging on a panic attack or a flashback. “I’m sorry dad, this mustn’t be easy on you. Rae’s not sleeping well, I try to calm her quickly; I try not to wake you. I don’t know though, it’s always worse when she’s been to see Kester.” Gary swallows, he’s got his own tears in his eyes “it’s alright, can’t be helped son, I just wished there was something I could do to help.”

*************************************

Finn was shocked earlier this afternoon when he found Rae on his doorstep, she looked pale, and exhausted but the smile she’d gave him warmed him. He’d helped her up and led her into the lounge where they’d spent the majority of the remaining afternoon talking and cuddling. She’d explained how her therapy session with her mum and Kester had gone. As he had thought, her mum wasn’t one hundred per cent certain on what had actually happened, and in true Earl/Booshtat women fashion, they’d come to heads, which had resulted in Rae walking back to Finns. Rae had explained how her mum had called her foolish for not reporting this to the police, and Rae had told her mum that she obviously didn’t care much, if she had only just realised the extent of that night, over a week later. Finn had tried to explain to Rae that while Linda calling her foolish had been wrong, it was more likely a slip of the tongue, through worry for her daughter. After Rae had settled down, Finn had wrapped her in a blanket and they’d settled down to watch a few films, but Rae hadn’t made it ten minutes in before nodding off. He suspected Linda would be round tonight to collect her daughter, as there had been an on going argument the last three about Rae’s refusal to go home.

******************************

Finn finally lets his worries slip and confines in his dad, “Da, I’m worried what will happen when Rae goes home, I suspect Linda will be round for her tonight, and if I’m not there, and Rae needs me, what’s going to happen?”

“It’ll be alright, Rae can call at any hour, I can drive you round if need be, and anyway, Rae is always welcome here. Whenever, even if you’re not here.” Finn nods and before he can answer there’s a distant knocking on the door. He makes his way through the living room, Rae still sleeping on the couch, she must really need it, and if it were up to him, he’d leave her sleeping. Once he gets to his door he knows who it is by their silhouette. “Hi Linda”, he smiles as he opens the door, Linda smiles back and makes her way past Finn. She’d been round a lot over the last week, and so her making her own way through his house is nothing new. He closes the door softly behind her and follows her through to the living room hoping she hasn’t woken Rae yet. If anybody is going to wake her it should be him, providing she came here to see him, and he’s the only one she trusts enough to fall asleep in the company of. When he reaches the living room however, he’s shocked to find Linda with tears in her eyes, gazing down at her daughter, he notes that her breath is quite short, so he walks over to her and slowly puts an arm over her shoulder. He hopes he hasn’t freaked her out with his weird behaviour, but Linda must find it comforting as she tucks herself into his chest. She cries softly on his shoulder, and for a while there’s nothing but the silence and Rae’s occasional soft snore. “How did I miss it” he can hear her mutter to herself over and over along with the occasional outpour about her being the worst mum. Finn knows that no matter how much of a fight and protest Rae puts up tonight, Linda will not leave this house without her so he thinks its about time he lets Linda in on what she should expect.

“I know tonight is the night that you’ll be taking Rae home even if she does protest, but before you wake her I think you need to know that she’s been having these panic attacks, and these ermmm flashbacks. Sometimes maybe once a night, however, really its normally about three.” he breaths “She she screams out quite a lot, and if she doesn’t scream, then she sobs, like uncontrollably. Some nights its been really difficult to calm her, however although its not guaranteed, she settles if I pull her into my chest, or cradle her in my arms, sing to her, or put the radio on. Once she’s calmed enough, I usually get her a bru, or an orange juice, just something sweet to help with the shock and then when she’s ready, I stroke her hair while she falls back to sleep.” he’s exhausted thinking about it. He’s not sure how Linda is going to be able to manage when she’s almost eight months pregnant. She already looks almost as tired as he does, and he knows she’s had a lot more sleep than he has.

“I didn’t know she was having nightmares, I, err thanks Finn for all you’ve done, I do appreciate it, but Rae needs to come home now, get back to normal, it’s the only way she’s going to move on from this. And I don’t approve of you sharing a bed. Your dad might have not cottoned on yet, but I have.”

“Look, we’re not having sex if that’s what you’re thinking. I couldn’t not after something like this. It’s just, Rae wont settle if I’ve not been there. I’m sorry I went against your wishes but I just wanted to do right by Rae, make sure I could provide her with everything she needed. And if that means going against your wishes then I did it still. I just tried to do what I thought was best. For her.” he feels embarrassed that he’s just openly admitted to sleeping in the same bed as Rae, and even more mortified that he’s used the word sex in her mothers company. Something behind Linda’s eye shifts and her face is soft and compassionate.

“Finn, I wasn’t having a dig, I do appreciate everything you have done. And if she’s been having nightmares and she’s needed you then I too will turn a blind eye to the bed sharing. However, I do think it’s time she comes home, she’s got to start feeling comfortable in her own company again. Chloe’s been on the phone nonstop asking when she’ll be home too. I suspect she’s rang here too.”

*********************************************************************

Fucking Chloe he thinks, no of course Chloe hadn’t rang him. She wouldn’t dare, not when she’s the reason why Rae ended up in this mess. When Izzy called round the start of the week she had been absolutely furious. So furious in fact he’d had to call Chop and get him round. Chop had been taken a back by Rae’s appearance; he’d noted how pale and fragile she looked. Rae had done nothing but sob after they left that night, and even the following morning she’d been a little teary. That was until a parcel had arrived at Finns for her, consisting of a fresh dressing gown and some slippers with ‘The Daddy’ quoted on them. That night Finn had rang Chop and thanked him after he’d settled Rae. He contemplates telling Linda about Chloe but settles on not, if Rae wanted her to know it all she would have told her already.

**************************************************

 

“How long has she been sleeping for? We really should be getting a move on.” Linda questions. Finn looks over to the clock; he knows if he says exactly how long, Linda will wake her. “Erm I’m not too sure, not too long, I know she came straight here after walking out of Kester’s…” Linda’s eyes drop guiltily, Finn notices. “She was a bit upset when she got here, so we talked a bit and then watched some TV, so maybe not that long after all. I think she really needs it to be honest, she’s not slept much the last two nights.”

 

As if it had been rehearsed, his dad walks out of the kitchen asking Linda if she would like a bru and a chat. Linda takes one final look at Rae before agreeing with Gary. Finn smiles at his dad in thanks as they head back into the kitchen, where he knows his dad will try to keep Linda occupied for as long as he can, so he can prepare Rae. He perches on the coffee table in front of Rae, his elbows resting on his knees, hands around his mouth, just watching her. He notices her eyes are twitching quite a lot, and he wonders if she’s beginning to wake up. He ponders on what he’s going to tell her, how is he going to break it to her that even though she’s told him that she doesn’t feel safe without him, her mums here and she is going to have to go home tonight. His head hurts with him thinking about it.

 

Rae stretches and yawns, her eyes are still closed but her right hand moves above her head as if she’s searching for something, when she reaches as far as she can and still she’s empty handed, she bolts upright, searching. Finn isn’t sure what she’s looking for but her bolting awake like that has him worrying for her “hey, it’s okay… you’re okay Rae, you’re safe.” he reassures her. Rae’s eyes lock on his and her worried expression changes to one of relief. She smiles as if she’s embarrassed to have been caught in such a panic. Finn returns the smile as he takes a seat next to her. He wraps his left arm around her shoulder and she settles into his chest. His leg shakes and he knows he’ll have to break it to her soon, but he doesn’t know how. “Just tell me.” she speaks softly. Finn wraps her in both his arms and drops a kiss onto her hair, “I’m sorry Rae, but your mums here. She won’t leave you another night.” He feels her nod and before long he feels a droplet of her tears land on his arm “I tried Rae, I tried to explain that you need comforting, and that you feel slightly calmer here, but she said you need to get used to being in your own company again. I do agree with her, but not this soon.”

 

Rae continues to nod her head, she continues to cry too. Finn drops kiss after kiss onto her hair; he’s unashamed that he’s softly crying also. “I don’t want to go, I like being here with you. I feel safe with you. When I’m alone I panic and I think he’s going to find me, he’s going to come out of the shadows.” All Finn can reply is that he knows, and that she’ll be safe at home too. “I love having you here Rae, and if it were up to me, I’d let you stay, but it isn’t. You can call me whenever though, whatever you need okay, all you have to do is call me.” He kisses her hair again; over and over hoping to show her how much he loves her. He isn’t sure how long they’ve both been allowed to sit there peacefully in each other’s company, but he knows their time together is running thin. Just as he’s about to air his concern over this, the kitchen door opens, and out walks his dad, followed by Linda. He feels Rae tense, so he pulls her closer and whispers she’ll be okay. “Rae love, its about time we head home now, don’t you think?” she doesn’t reply, just pushes her head deeper into Finn’s chest. Linda continues once she notices her daughter isn’t going to reply, “Finn can visit, he can call…” still there isn’t a reply from Rae, “what do you say about coming round for tea Wednesday, you too Gary. I’ll even do hotpot Rae, I know it’s your favourite.” Linda looks over to Finn with pleading eyes; he can tell that this is taking much more work than she bargained for. He’s not happy about being told he can call round for tea in two days, what about tomorrow for fucks sake, he’s cared for Rae hourly over the last week or so, and for Linda to turn around and tell him to call round for tea in two days is an insult. He knows he can’t show his anger, for one it might scare Rae, but it could also make it a lot harder for her to leave to, so he takes a deep breath before speaking so softly, “Yes, I’ll come for tea, but I’ll also call round tomorrow Rae, and you know, you just call me, I’ll be there.” Rae nods, and although Linda looks slightly miffed, Finn can tell that she’s also made up with Rae’s co-operation.

 

Finn had forgot his dad was in the room by the time Gary speaks up “I’ll just go and get your bags Rae.” and off he pops up the stairs. Linda starts on straight away about how it’s the best thing that them being this close isn’t healthy, that Rae depending on Finn only is unfair on Finn. Rae takes a sharp intake of breath and Finn wants to scream, he can feel Rae lifting her head off his chest so he speaks his mind. “No Linda, No. I’m sorry but please don’t make out like Rae is a burden. Yes this last week might have been a difficult, stressful and very upsetting week, but I like being able to take care of Rae, I don’t mind supporting her. And, I definitely don’t mind being there to support her.” He breathes deeply before speaking, “Rae, whatever you need, I’ve got you. I love you. Okay?” Rae nods her head before smiling up at him; she squeezes his hand as well for good measure. She stands and holds her hand out for Finn.

 

Not two minutes later she’s sat in the passenger’s side of her mum’s car, Finn is crouched down making sure her belt is secure. She strokes his face and whispers a “Thanks Finn.” her eyes are wet with tears and she’s happy her mum and Gary are still filling the boot with her stuff, “I love you” she whispers. Finn looks up at her and smiles before leaning in and giving her a quick kiss. “And I you, Mae” Finn thinks Linda has rudely burst their bubble the way she settles behind the steering wheel. She looks at them both as if to say _‘right come on get a move on’_ , Finn feels slightly guilty, he’d forgotten that she was so heavily pregnant until he saw how close her stomach was to the steering wheel. He smiles over at Linda as a goodbye and then stands; he kisses Rae on her forehead before speaking “sleep well girl” and softly shutting the door. His dad is waiting on the doorstep, so Finn joins him in waving them both off. Once Linda’s car is off the drive and out of sight he lets his tears flow. He follows his dad into the living room and takes a seat on the couch; it still feels warm from where Rae had spent the afternoon snoozing. His dad sits next to him and shoulders him softly, and Finn crumbles, he spends the remainder of the night in his dad’s arms softly crying.

 

********************************

 

He wakes with a bolt. His soaking with sweat and his breath is short and fast. It takes him a few seconds to realise that Rae isn’t in bed with him, that she went back home earlier. He looks over to his bedside clock and sees that its 2:27am, he’s had a good solid five hours sleep and he’s sure he could do with another five. He lays back and tries to settle, but still 30 minutes later, his heart is still beating a little to fast, his breath isn’t as steady as it should be and he’s still pretty hot. He contemplates doing something he hasn’t done for years; well not if he’s been sober. He gives himself another 15 minutes but he can’t for the life of him calm. Quietly he tiptoes out of his room and down the hall. He stops outside his dads bedroom door and listens for any source of movement, after thirty seconds or so, he knocks his dads door open gently, he really doesn’t want to wake him but is need for comfort is too strong. He paces over to his dads bed and stands looking at him at the side, he’s not sure how to wake him, should he just slide in next to him or should he wake him? He settles on waking him, that way his dad isn’t going to freak out or anything. “Daa” he whispers, Gary doesn’t even move, Finn repeats himself a fraction louder while softly shaking the bed. He’s not sure if it’s the increase in his volume, or the bed shaking, but Gary sits up and looks at him. Without a word being said Gary knows what he’s after, he pulls back the duvet for Finn to slide in before laying back down. Finn feels the tension leaving his body almost instantly, he rolls onto his side to look at his dad “I’m sorry dad, I shouldn’t have come in here like that, I just can’t settle.” His dad looks at him with so much compassion, “Oh my boy, come here.” before pulling a sobbing Finn into his chest.

 

There’s a persistent ringing in his ear, its pretty annoying, its disturbing him from his sleep he so desperately craves. He’s not sure how long he’s been asleep for this time, but its still dark out, and his eyes are heavy. He hears his dad grumble a “Lo… right yeah, he’s here, we’ll be right there.” and he sits up because he knows Rae needs him. He’s out of his dads bed before his dad has even put the phone back on the receiver, he’s out of his room in his boots before his dad has even got his jumper on, and he’s at the bottom of the stairs coat on ready to go before his dad has even made it too the top. He looks himself over in the mirror and thinks ‘plaid pyjama bottoms and military boots, god I’m such a catch’. But it’s Rae so he can’t bring himself to care. He’s thankful that at this time of the morning the trip to Rae’s is no longer than five minutes, He’s scared at what he’s going to find, what state she’ll be in. If Linda had listened to him, and didn’t separate them the way she did, there’s a chance that Rae wouldn’t be so bad tonight. When his dad pulls up outside, they find Karim on the doorstep waiting for her. Finn has always appreciated Karim, even though he’s quiet, Finn knows he’s a kind quiet and special person. Karim greets Finn with an awkward hug, while speaking in his broken English, “Rae- upstairs. She sad. Cry and shout for Finn much.” Finn nods and understands that yes, Rae is upstairs in her bedroom and yes, she is having the same sort of night terrors, she’s had pretty much every night since. Finn makes his way up and finds Linda stood in the doorway of her bedroom. He thinks its weird that she’s stood there and not checking on Rae. He makes his way to Rae’s room before, he hears Rae calling for him and her mum telling her he’s on his way. Finn turns and walks towards her voice and what he sees breaks him over again, for Rae is scrunched up in her bed, shaking with sobs. He’s at her side as quick as his feet will allow him “it’s alright Girl, I’m here, you’re safe.” Rae is quick to wrap her arms around him and pull him down next to her. He sits up on the bed and pulls Rae into his arms, cradling her, with her head against his shoulder. While Rae is still crying and shaking through fear, Linda notices that she isn’t screaming out anymore, and her breathing is returning to normal. Finn holds her as tight to his chest as possible, and softly calms her. He kisses her head regularly. Once Rae is settled and her sobs aren’t as prominent, Finn asks Linda if there is any way she could switch the radio on. Linda gets to it, happy to be able to help, she goes into the wardrobe and pulls out a etherdown and wraps it around Rae and Finn, before pushing Finns fridge out of his eyes, in a way only a parent can manage, before asking if he would like a bru. Finn nods his head in thanks, and Linda makes her way out. She waddles and Finn worries that she’s going to go into early labour if she doesn’t rest. Once Rae is calm and back to her usual self, he sparks up conversation about how nice her new room is, she agrees and yawns. “Just try and stay awake for a bit girl, I’d want you to get some sugar in you before you drift off.” She nods her head and Finn kisses her head. Linda returns with a tray of tea and they all sit on Rae’s new bed drinking in silence. Rae hands Finn her cup to place on the bedside table and he happily notices that she’s drank over half. He stands up and pulls Rae up before pulling back her blankets; once she’s in he recovers her and sits on the edge, stroking her hair. Rae holds his hand tight while she drops off. Once he’s sure he sleeps, he tries to loosen his hand from Rae’s, he’s about to ask if it is okay for him to spend the night in the living room when Linda speaks up. “Stay here tonight, I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I didn’t realise they would be so bad.” she sobs. Finn nods and then decides it’s about time Linda gets some sleep too. “You look just as tired as me. You need your rest Linda; baby will be here before you know it. I’ve got Rae; it’s about time you look after yourself for now.” Linda Smiles and kisses his cheek. “You’re a good Lad Finn, I’m sorry I didn’t see it before. Try and get some sleep okay?” He nods in response. Once Linda has left the room, Finn toes off his boots and settles in behind Rae. In her sleep she turns to face him and he pulls her tightly into his chest. It doesn’t take long for him to nod off into a peaceful sleep, Rae back in his arms where she belongs.


End file.
